a little Xtra

*blink*

I don't believe it.
I seriously don't.
that was one hell of a display
ala hulk hogan.
OMG.

*blink*

i need to stop laughing. i've got a stitch


Things I wanna do

1) decorate our student's room in PINK. ( right j9 and paojing???) my fellow SPP ( super pink ppL) members. Power to Pink People!
2) AMS stuff. - inevitable
3) master Romance d' amour on the guitar
4) sing and sing during BF choir.
5) sing and sing somemore during the Bfellowship musical
6) Go for hip hop. Sigh. i really need to man.
7) Pack myself into my dad's bag and go to melb :P. if only...
8) get back joggin
9) shake off thiz lousy virus
10) Learn // parking. you believe how shit i am at it.
11) give my honey a hug and get u a new pair of glasses.

ok. drug is kickign in again.

must... sleep... zzzzzz

Life is not a burden to bear,
It all depends on the way you carry it.

What kinda cruise do you want?

option one
A flashy ocean liner, complete with jacuzzi, nice crew but no coordinates given.

Option 2
Daunting mission, but good ship, good crew and ok coordinates.

option 3
Creaky old leaky boat, crew with a attitude, coordinates are hard to decipher but are given, mission is short

Which sea worthy boat would you chose?

melb uni ppl at NUS science canteen 

Crazy things i did today.

Watch anarchy of something which i swore i wouldn't say. * innocent grin*
Have an avalaunche of milk cans come down on us.
drag milk cans like a karung guni man (* honey, see below 4 explaination) round and round NUH
chatted up with 3 exchange students
chatted with 2 german exchange students
chatted with some old uncle in the science canteen
got my matriculation card ( finally!)
Danced with red hot cold turkey in some isolated staircase in the med fac.
printed out my ethics proposal for the umpteenth time.

and surprise suprise.
no thunder today. whoa. * checks the sky for flying pigs*



* karung guni man - in Singapore, the karung guni men usually go round the estates with a cart/ trolley, yelling "KARUNG GUNI" and sounding a horn. they collect old but still useful things, eg. TV sets, books, newspapers etc.

Man, i Feel like a woman.

What makes us girls cross our legs when we sit, giggle, hold hands when we walk. What makes us play with our barbie dolls when we're little ( pulls out a headless barbie doll and glances around innocently). Or watch WWF when we're young. Wat do you mean , that wasn't supposed to apply to girls?

I never understood why in RGS, there were all these flowers being exchanged on valentines day. We were straight. well at least i Knew majority of the school was straight. I think. I just didn't get it. Or the Angel and Mortal game. I made the worl'ds lousiest angel, coz i couldn't be buggered to write to my poor waiting mortal. I thot it was an utter waste of time.

Are gals programmed biologically to giggle, to frolic? yeah, sure it may seem environmental at the first glance, but then i look at some guys who act sissy, or girls who act Butch. They are brought up in an env that reinforces actions that are deemed "gender appropriate" and yet they still lean into the behaviours of the opposite sex. a good ( but unethical ) expt as Tzuie put it was to bring up girls ( or guys) as the opposite gender but keep them isolated, so that there are no external factors that woudl interfere and influence them. Perhaps we could prove that behaviour was utterly env. dictated.

It's so unlike other choirs i've sung in.

Throw technique to the wind,
Just the bare necessities.
Get up with your dharma sisters and brothers
Shake your booty
And Sing.

Oh how i miss it so much.
The harmony and the power of the human voice to move one's soul.
What makes it doubly magical are the lyrics ,
the knowledge of the Dharma, woven into song.
FOr that moment, i can juz forget everything and juz concentrate on the music. .

Don't ask me how, but i landed up in the soprano section. I think my range kinda went a bit screwed in Melbourne.
Anyway, i still can't hit the high notes, but i can't hit low enuff to remain an alto..
But anyway,
My new Section ROCKS totally.
Check out those soul sistas rocking away to the music at the left side of the room. That's us.. uh huh.
and No.. J, you're not too sexy for the gals.

I'm trying out for the musical. Whoo hoo... Acting as a Dua3 Bor1. Gonna sing a duet with ( scans the tenor section for hot dude) ... Nah. :) don't worry pple, he's already married with kids. LOL. it's a sarah brightman piece. So fun!!!but i think rehersals are gonna be taxing.

Watched the island with jo yesterday. Story was pretty good, ddin't like the ending, but wat the heck . it's got ewan mcgregor in there. ( drool)

Watched fantastic four with cherie Babe in the afternoon. Entertaining . ANd someone tell me the name of the actor playing johnny storm please? i 've got to prepare a stalking regime.

Buddhist choir pract later. My throat is soooo sore. Urgh. i hope i can sing man. feeling slighly under the weather. And i wanna eat durian .. Wail.

i think i'm seriously gonna have to forfeit dance class.a hundred odd dollars juz gone case like that. but wat to do? I don't think i can keep up, i 'm not feeling well enough to go bouncing around . and i'm juz waaaay too tired to be interested to go.

I came back home hoping to have the time to pursue my other interest. Guitar, singing, dance, drawing.. I came back here to see if i like the system, so far it's been discouraging... i'm feeling sick and depressed. It's just killing my interest in everything : work, medicine, music, the arts.... gosh, i need a breather quick!!!

Some durian would help too..

nah.. i think i need some hot choc made by someone :P

It really gets me down,
when everytime i make up my mind not to let it get to me
everytime i tell myself. Let it go. 4get it.
It juz comes back, worst than ever.

No matter how hard i try to be ..
I know i'll never get there.
i've given up
but still it irks me.
wonder what i did in my past life,
to invoke such dislike.

Time to seriously engage in some metta meditation.
Lord Buddha, i need help here!

How do you remove such attachment to the want ?
Help remind me of the diamond sutra, and the heart sutra ..
Help me in my path to removing this dukha.
Remind me of my goal to cultivate forebearance.
let me overlook,
let me grit my teeth.


sigh.

Buddhist fellowship Youths after our 5km walk We rock whoo hoo!.  

Bodhi walk 2005. Having fun at warm up.  

WHen it all comes to an end...


I peered through the glass panes, at the little body all riddled with tubes and lines running out of it. THe MO stood nervously in front of the isolation room, blabbering off line after line of the girl's long and complicated medical history. Behind him, the little girl lay motionless on the bed, the only signs of life was her chest moving up and down in respiration. Every breath seemed to take an enormous effort.

She had Acute myeloid lymphoma. With that, she had acute respiratory distress syndrome , pneumonia and a lot of other things i didn't catch. But bottom line was .. she was dying.

My supervisor said that she shouldn't be kept alive. I know it sounds cruel.. but the fact was this was a terminal case. It's so sad. her parents sold off everything in indonesia. THey were living in a little cabin on the hospital grounds. THey gave up everything for their little girl. But she wasn't going to go home.

I asked.. who makes the end of life decisions?
THe answer was : the doctor in charge.
That guy who was standing in front of us.
I can't imgine myself in that position. How can one look into that cherubic little face and make the decision to withhold treatment, knowing what was coming?
yeah, it's all HP, but until you actually see a case, you realise wat you might face in the future.
It's scary.

It's hard to keep your spirits up sometimes.
When you're faced with a million obstacles,
A looming deadline,
Wandering about aimlessly in a maze.

But when u look around and see that there are others who care
Others who are willing to reach out and give you a hand.
Others who love you who listen to your woes.
It keeps you coming back for more.
It keeps you ploughing on.

And you wonder..
What makes up our personalities,
What story lies behind those faces we meet.
ONe can't possibly read all the books.
So we can't write all the reports accurately.
Yet, some still write pretty good ones.
I've got to take my hat off to them.
And take a leaf out of their book.
grit my teeth and keep going.

this is a very interesting article taken from the website below
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/hottopics/love/brain.shtml

The chemical make up of love

Love on the brain.

Love on the brainBrain imaging techniques have been put to use in the name of love. Andreas Bartels and Semir Zeki at University College London used functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) to take pictures of the lover's brain.
Whilst inside the scanner, loved-up students were shown pictures of their new flame. They were also shown images of platonic friends of the opposite sex. Zeki and Bartels were struck by how clear cut the pattern of brain activity was when students were looking at their new love.
Four areas of the brain became active, and one area noticeably inactive, when the students had love on their mind. The active areas include one responsible for 'gut' feelings and one that is known to respond to euphoria-inducing drugs. The lights go off however, in the prefrontal cortex an area that is overactive in depressed patients.


The 3 stages of LOVE

Stage 1: LUSTLust is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen. Testosterone is not confined only to men. It has also been shown to play a major role in the sex drive of women. These hormones as Helen Fisher says "get you out looking for anything".

Stage 2: ATTRACTIONThis is the truly love-struck phase. When people fall in love they can think of nothing else. They might even lose their appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their new lover.
In the attraction stage, a group of neuro-transmitters called 'monoamines' play an important role:
· Dopamine - Also activated by cocaine and nicotine
· Norepinephrine - Otherwise known as adrenalin. Starts us sweating and gets the heart racing
· Serotonin - One of love's most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily insane

Stage 3: ATTACHMENTThis is what takes over after the attraction stage, if a relationship is going to last. People couldn't possibly stay in the attraction stage forever, otherwise they'd never get any work done!
Attachment is a longer lasting commitment and is the bond that keeps couples together when they go on to have children. Important in this stage are two hormones released by the nervous system, which are thought to play a role in social attachments:
· Oxytocin - This is released by the hypothalamus gland during child birth and also helps the breast express milk. It helps cement the strong bond between mother and child. It is also released by both sexes during orgasm and it is thought that it promotes bonding when adults are intimate. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes
· Vasopressin - Another important chemical in the long-term commitment stage. It is an important controller of the kidney and its role in long-term relationships was discovered when scientists looked at the prairie vole


haha.. so being in love is tantamount to insanity and being on drugs. But they are fundamentally chemical imbalances!!!!

Stare into each others' eyesNew York psychologist, Professor Arthur Arun, has been studying the dynamics of what happens when people fall in love. He has shown that the simple act of staring into each other's eyes has a powerful impact.
He asked two complete strangers to reveal to each other intimate details about their lives. This carried on for an hour and a half. The two strangers were then made to stare into each others eyes without talking for four minutes. Afterwards many of his couples confessed to feeling deeply attracted to their opposite number and two of his subjects even married afterwards.
When we are aroused and interested in what we are looking at our pupils dilate. In medieval Italy, women put belladonna into their eyes to make them look bigger. In fact, bella donna means 'beautiful lady'. However, this is not recommended, as belladonna is a kind of poison!


Match their moves

When people are attracted to each other, they tend to sit or stand in the same way and copy each other's physical gestures. This is known as 'mirroring'. When someone does this, it marks good communication and shows us that our interest is reciprocated. Mirroring also happens when talking to close friends as well as potential lovers, so be careful as you may misread signs of friendship as signs of love.


is...a sweaty T-shirt competitionIn 1995, Claus Wedekind of the University of Bern in Switzerland, asked a group of women to smell some unwashed T-shirts worn by different men. What he discovered was that women consistently preferred the smell of men whose immune systems were different from their own. This parallels what happens with rodents, who check-out how resistant their partners are to disease by sniffing their pheromones. So it seems we are also at the mercy of our lover's pheromones, just like rats.
Fatherly fragrancesAt the University of Chicago, Dr Martha McClintock has shown in her own sweaty T-shirt study that what women want most is a man who smells similar to her father. Scientists suggest that a woman being attracted to her father's genes makes sense. A man with these genes would be similar enough that her offspring would get a tried and tested immune system. On the other hand, he would be different enough to ensure a wide range of genes for immunity. There seems to be a drive to reach a balance between reckless out-breeding and dangerous inbreeding.

THis one is kinda gross..


Love vs. Like

We like someone because.
We love someone although.--- St. Augustine

One week since AMS started

Tired. That's all I can say. Tired.

Nodding off in the MRT train seems to be becoming a bad habit of mine. My condolences to the ppl who sit beside me in the train. You are about to become the player of a precarious game of head nodding, drool inducing, body gymnastics. Just be glad if i get a corner seat, than I can siddle up to the wall instead. But then again, if i get a brad pitt lookalike sitting next to me, i hope he doesn't mind loaning me his shoulder. *cheeky grinz* just ignore the previous line, dear.

Everyone from melbourne is remarking on the culture shock. Culture shock in your own home country, you ask? Wat talking you?

It's true. It's in everything and everyone you meet. From the unfriendly, grumpy visages in the trains, to no one greeting to you in the residential halls. To the ppl who sit impassively on their behinds staring blankly at the heavily pregnant ladies and old ppl who sway unsteadily in front of them on the bus and trains. From the news, and the legislations passed to the cheap food in the canteens ( holy crap : lunch AND dessert for less than 2.50 bux!!). From the incessent heavy downpours that greet me everytime i emerge from the labyrinth of the NUH hospitalsm to the loud, brash but comfortingly familiar singlish you hear. Fromthe cashiers who no longer greet you with a "Hi! How are you goin?" , but glare at you and scan your items of purchase to the unfriendly admin staff of the uni who don't have a clue what is going on and treat us students like scum off their shoe.From the friendly nurses who keep me in fits with their jokes and who are sooo willing to teach me , to the no holds barr, workholic doctors who seem to live their whole life in the hospitals. From the fact that that the hierachy is suddenly so much more crystal clear and you have to know your place, to the fact that your family is here for you. And then there are the buses which never come when you're dastardly late, MRT trains which whizz so much faster than the melbourne ones. Pple talk real fast, move real fast, and work real late. I stagger in bleary eyed at 9am, after a one and a half hour journey to the hospital and I drag myself home at 6 smth. Get home at 7 somthing, jog till it's dark, have dinner staring at the wall, talk with my honey on the phone, stare at my journal articles, sleep. Wake up , rinse and repeat.

No time for friends, no time for even saying a word of 'hiya" to my family. Sorry K.. Argh. i really really meant to meet up with you. now I won't see you for a year! I only got to see HH once too! *pulls hair out* once in a year???!!!! OMG.

i 'll get use to life back here. after all, i've done that for 18 years. Right? right?

Ok.. lemme go source out a good seat on the MRT. you know wat i mean

Lost.

don't know where to begin. I think we're all kinda lost in our own little ways. I look and i wonder... wat is it i want? Where will i end up? What dream should i dare to dream. Is it possible to have it all? Is there time? Is there energy? Is there the capability? Are the sacrifices worth it? .. just random thots running through my mind.

Close my eyes, and i'm back in princess park.
With all the trees... the other joggers, the dogs that keep running at you.
same place? Same time?
4.30Pm?

What do you look for in a life partner.

Just attended Buddhist Fellowship youth session. We were priviledged to have Dr Ang Beng Choo to speak to us on looking for a life partner.

One of her memorable quotes :
" Children in the back seat can cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat can cause children."


What not to look for in a partner.
CAWS ( haha.. H, i can remember... passed your test lah!)
C- Capabilities ( you are not parading your spouses' capabilities in public, these should be an added bonus, not something you go around looking for when you look for a partner)
A- Appearances ( well... )
W- Wealth
S - STatus

What to look for in a partner
PROF
P- personality. THe person should have a good EQ. Observe how they behave around other people or when they drive ( whoopz.. i think i just failed the latter). Even if the person is nice to you ( and nasty to others and you oh so fail to realise that), just remember, that he can't keep up that charade forever.
R- Religion. Dr Ang pointed out that after marriage, the cracks will start to show. For the whole of Sunday, you'll be at your respective religious venues, surrounded by couples or singles of the same religious views. It is gonna be a glaring point in your marriage if you both have strong personalities and strong religious views. These will be apparent when kids come into the picture. Who's religion should they follow then?
O - occupation .. this shoudl be a respectable occupation. meaning no drug dealing, no prostitution blah blah blah
Family values - your spouses upbringing and family values will deeply influence his or her values.Values that will be brought into a marriage.



Be as natural as you can in front of your partner. Because after marriage, all your traits good and bad will start to show. Remember that marriage is not a solution to your problems, but will bring more problems. Love doesn't conquer all. If you're not compatible, or if you can't stand a certain trait of another person ( no matter how minor).. say no. Don't waste your time or the other person's time.
Trust the person.. Develope good communication.
Walk the middle path when looking for a partner. - don't rush it. but don't wait too long either. There may be many fish in the ocean, but the bait will soon get stale if you leave it for too long
Remember the 3Cs of Buddhism :
1)Cause ( Karma) which sets up your conditions
2) Conditions / choices
3) Consequences - the fruit of your choices

Buddha said that man is the master of his own destiny. Though we will be presented with certain conditions, ultimately, how we deal with the conditions and gain the consequences is up to us. Likewise for choosing a partner. The choice is really yours. THere is no such thing as fate or leaving it to god. And make sure you spend your time and energy on a person who feels the same way towards you. No point exhausting your effort over someone who tells you that you cannot make it.


NOte that Dr Ang advises that you use these guidelines to your own descretion haha...
I found most of them pretty insightful and useful, even tho' most of it was aimed mostly at ppl who were planning to get married in the near future. Funny that this topic should come up today tho'.

And yez.. i joined the BUddhist choir!!! So happy! we're having a performance in sept!

Decided to do a photo recap of all the semesters i spent in melbourne.
It's pretty freaky, how time flies. Look at the semester one photos. Geez. . How different our lives were back then! I guess we've changed in a lot of ways after all the experiences we went through.

2 and a half years may not seem like a very long period of time, but a zillion things can happen to you and your friends. Probably enough to compile into your typical 7 o'clock drama serial on channel 8.

So to all those who helped shaped my life for the past 2 and a half years, a big Thank you!!! I had a blast. I hope you did too!

julie, me and tzuie at his bday. ( sem 5) 

the happy couple j9 and CS at her surpise bday celebrations ( sem 5) 

mumsg celebrating j9's bday at our place 

lz's bday.( at nic's house) 

at Buddha's day celebration 2005. Sem 5 

mumsg at char's farewell. LOok PINK!!! 

YAD youth group at the botanic gardens on the bike trip ( sem 5) 

mumsg at nic's house for another of nic's gourmet dinners. 

sem 5. Temple frens at mariana's bday. 

the mumsg at the med ball. 

sem 4 Med ball.  

trip to KL. msian and singaporean med knobs at the pYramid in KL 

aiai and me on the beach with nic and lz eating fish and chips ( sem 4) 

mornington trip with lz, aiai and nic. Here we are indulging in sinful strawberry ice cream! 

National day. Check out the red/ white outfits ( semester 4) 

my bday ( semester 4)  

jas' bday. Semester 4 

nic's bday. ( sem 4) 

our 'family photograph". Aiai's bday, and nic's egg tart!  

me, qihui and her frens on the philips island tour ( sem 4) 

road trip to philips island ( semester 4)  

the bbq,the food and the ppl!