a little Xtra

HOw would you eat me??? mmmm

THis is a guest entry from HH all the way from Glasgow!

CROSS CULTURAL DIALOUGE
by HH


Though I must say it is such a privilege mixing around with the ang mohs... I have been going out with some of the secretaries lately for lunch and when I see myself in my mind's eye I want to laugh. They are all so prim and proper, u see, so I have to leave behind my barbaric ways and conform to the ways of the civilised world, remembering to say please and thank you and sitting with my legs together and my elbows off the table, ordering a soda and lime or a bitter lemon, laying my napkin neatly on my lap, remembering to scoop my soup from inside out, trying not to make a clatter or drop the bread roll and all the while trying to make inane, polite inquiries about their lives and their children's lives and their parent's and dogs equally mundane lives without spewing food halfway across the table. =) Yes, that'd make a funny sight, I think... Sometimes the British are so awfully, hair raisingly polite that I feel like shuddering. To go out for a meal protocol has to be followed:1) Formal invitation-- "We are going across to the restaurant on Monday for lunch and we'd love if you could join us"2) Reply to show pleasant surprise (feigned or otherwise)-- "Oh, how lovely of you!"3) Ambiguous smile from inviter which can mean anything from we'd always thought of inviting you to I'm sorry we had to ask you so last minute but we needed to fill the extra seat.4) Polite enquiry about the details of appointment-- " Oh, what time and where are we going?"5) Detailed reply including a running commentary of the ambience of the place, the type of soup,starter and mains they serve etc6) Positive comment about the place-- " Oh, that sounds like such a delightful little place!"7) Conclusion--" Yes I'd love to come" or "Oh dear, I'd love to come but I already have a lunch apptment, what a pity"8) _Expression of gratitude-- "Thank you so very much for asking me along" compared to Singaporean:1) Brusque, to-the-point invitation-- "Eh, we going downstairs for lunch. Want to come or not?"2) Honest display of indecision-- "Huh? where, what time?"3) Slight irritation at this delay--" Food court lah, 12 o'clock. So u coming or not?"4) Snap decision made so all can get back to work-- "Ok lah, ok lah... see u downstairs, if I'm not down u all order first." It's so amusing, isn't it, this stark cross cultural difference even in something as small as arranging a lunch appt.

That's what I miss about home, I think. Where things are taken at face value, little insinuated, you're free to say what you wish as long as it's not hurting, where pple are direct, to the point. Where food is found cheaply in food courts, where you can eat with your elbows on the table and slurp your soup if you wish, where the aunties and colleagues around you will not condemn you for being impolite if you so much as forget to add the please at the end of the sentence, where you're not found to be funny if you don't order a drink with your meal... yes, all these little things about home, small but nonetheless important...

6 girls, a guy and a yummilicious meal!

Photo taken last Sat at Nic's house. Our resident chef singlehandedly whipped up dinner for the MUmsgang. Oh yez.. ladies out there.. here's one dude who can really whet your appetite. ( gosh, i'm so nice, giving free advert man)
yeah. but here's a preview of what we had that nite:

bacon with scallop kababs
some nice nice jap egg thingy
and nic's famous teriyaki salmon.
with porridge.
and finished off with almond ( wus it?) choc cake ( could still remember my dear hsemate squealing with delight when she saw it.. hai. the woes of being a chocoholic..lol)

Yez.. our dear NIc whipped it up by himself! sorry, no pix of the food. It disappeared soon after making it's grand entry onto the dining table.we are really hungry bugs. soo you juz have to take our word for it. MUmsg brand of quality. haha

Neway, nothing much this weekend. But i think i've more or less adjusted to Melb life again. whew. I was telling HH on teh phone that day, I agree with her comment that you seem to get more homesick each time you return. IT doesn't get better, it gets worse. But today, after praying at the temple, attending discussion group and having a jog in the lovely princess park... I felt my spirits lift. The weather helped to.. haha.. i finally see the CLEAR BLUE SKY!!! ( does a little bacteria jig on the sidewalk) Thank you Lord Buddha for showing me the way!!!!! yay yay! haha.. prayers and meditation have helped this little bacteria recover.

Today's BLIA discussion was on goals in life. Where do you see yourslef in 5 years time. i was like er... still muggin? realised that as a med student, my life is kinda plotted out for me already. hmmm. but it was interesting listening to my group member's views and experiences. Coz i'm the youngest. ( sticks a pacifier into mouth and folds arms) so there. But we discussed about how dreams may not always come true. But there will other doors that will open and you may find a new niche for yourself. Perhaps not as glam as wat you set out to do, but nevertheless , if it can bring joy to others and serve society, it's still gonna make you happy in the end. Yupyup. As usual discussion served to make me aware of the very good examples in my life I've got frens who can't really get to their dreams yet, but they've the courage to say >. " OK, this door is closed, let's seek another way. A more pragmatic one perhaps and then i'll try to work my way to my goal" NEver once have they thrown themselves onto the floor and kicked up a tantrum. I feel kinda ashamed coz i let minor things get me down so bad. I"ve had the good karma of being born into a life where many opportunities have been givcen to me, but my attachment to small little nuances and the despair I allow myself to fall into when things do'nt go my way is rather embarrassing. argh.
And Shifu lectured also about patience.. sigh. i really need that. i'm always rushing so fast into things , with absolutely no confidence in my self ... i keep making bad bad decisions that i regret. but it's too late to turn back th eclock. This is the path i've chosen, and i've to deal with it as best as I can. And make teh most out of it. Envs and conditions will change, new opportunities will arise .. :)


We rounded up session by singing a song. It's called Harmonise ( not memorise, as my BLIA president put it) yeah, but i still can memo it anyway coz the tune is stuck in my head. I miss singing.. couldn't help harmonising then realise i just lost that too... hai. miss choir. i hope we'll keep on singing songs after study group.

The time has come to realise
without world peace we can't survive
The past is one that's filled with war
Compassion is what we're looking for
IT fills me up with so much hope
To realise how beautiful
This world can be without anger
That turns us all on each other


let's harmonise all that is wrong
and look for a peace that is strong
And show some respect for this earth
For all of mankind we will serve


so funny.. my classmate lent me this picture book on teh life of Buddha when i was in primary one. now 13 years later. I found the very same book in the temple. I was reading it this morning. The :) some Boddhisattva must have nudged it my way :) haha.

My work place 

And thousands and thousands of bits and pieces

it's really gross when you read about bacteria and realise one fine day, this little cells are gonna rulez the world. Coupled with practs where you get your hands dripping wet with bacteria ( literally) that could potentially coz septicaemia ( I don't care wat my demonstrator says about it being a dependent strain) .. bacteria are so promiscuous they'll mutate in no time. and that one could be spreading like wildfire in me!!!!! arrgh. ( runs around room like a headless chicken with bacteria infected hands in the air)

Wonder wat' it'll be like to be reborn as a bacteria hmm... ( rubs fimbriae together) .. now to look for a partner to stick my sex pilus into and get some hot steamy conjugation going .

Here's weird Al's song!

They' are all over me!
THey're inside of me!
Can't get enuff of me!
I'm talking about
GErms.. ( can be modified)

Nah.. i think i'll forget about sex for awhile ( can see lz rolling her eyes.. yeah right, since when does xl 4get about sex) .. well. when there's food.. there's moi! So now i shall colonise that yummy choc.. below. or mebbe that hand that holds it.. Mwhahaha.. esp the fingers. No amt of alcohol or hexol can get rid of mEEEE evil staph epidermidis.. Hwahahaha




my target

Return to Melb



Back in Melbourne. Somehow I feel less prepared for this uprooting than the preceding ones. Singapore feels like a dream that I don’t want to wake up from. Sometimes in the mornings, I have the urge to pinch myself to remind myself that this is reality.

I guess I wasn’t prepared to leave everything and everyone in Singapore. I wrapped up my job really late, I kept so busy with volunteer work, with Buddhist Fellowship, with work, with my friends that I before I realized it, time caught up with me and I had to leave.

Melbourne has always felt welcoming, but this time it felt alien. I walked around as if I was in a daze for the first few days. There was a gloom that not even the bright blue summer sky to chase away. Maybe it was jet lag, maybe it was PMS, maybe I was homesick. Well, I wasn’t exactly raring for anything back in Singapore except my close friends and family. But it felt terrible to be plucked out from the midst of the happy mood of CNY, my noisy family environment ( my relatives were staying with us from Penang), my lovely workplace ( with Jac, SH and the rest of ppl), the caring and loving env of Yong En care center and my fellow Dharma farers at BF and tossed back into this quiet house. ( much quieter now minus Kelv).

I couldn’t really sleep for the first few nights. Various thoughts kept running through my mind. Frustration and unpreparedness for my other life in melb kept me awake. MicroB wasn’t much help either. My A levels basic stuff seems to have gone sailing out of the window.

But thankfully, I’m easing in gradually.. with prayers to Buddha and Guan Shi Yin PU Sa, with support from friends, with taibo, my usual daily jogs, ka chaoing my remaining housemate..

Xin Nian Dao!

In honour of CNY i shall blog in red. haha.

cny this year very quiet. So unlike the chaotic scene in Penang with its endless traffic jams, crazy drivers, defiantly lit fireworks, gigantic red lanterns soaring over the ocean and firecrackers exploding at regular intervals. The absence of my cousins was also very palpable. Usually we would meet at Sah Beh's house and adjoin from house to house in a huge convoy. Even tho' my Hokkien sucked big time, I had enough vocab to understand the interesting gossips that flew past while I conversed in broken Chinese with my cousins. Won't get to see Alok Gor Gor's cute puppy too. wonder wat tricks it has learnt in the past year. Won't get to taste the delicious Huat Kwey from Ah Beh ( the only one i'll eat btw). Won't get to haul back all the delicious goodies from Penang.

This year was spent in Singapore. Reunion dinner started at er.. 9pm. HAd to pick my dad up from the airport coz his flight touched down at 7 smth. Then watched Kungfu hustle with my family. I bought the origianal disc but it came w/o english subtitles. So my poor dad kept asking me wat was going on. Well, good thing is my bro is picking up chinese phrases. LOL. He's nuts about the movie! Goodness, i'm a stephan chow fan, but his obsession is bordering on mania. I've been tortured with Kung fu Hustle like 5 times since Cny eve. He even watches it in the car!

CnY: woke up late to XY calling me. urgh. i was like mong cha cha... had a talk with her b4 breakie. Then had lunch and started visiting -- our one and only relatives in Singapore. MY great uncle and aunt. My Gu Gong is one of the friendliest and warmest ppl you could ever meet. Yeah, he's like a grandpa to me. Studied in Melb uni too. h:) He's about 80 plus but he's sooo young at heart.

Then suggested my family go to the temple. My dad brought us to the kwan im miao on waterloo street. Couldn't believe my eyes. SO CROWDED!!! There were even policemen for crowd control! I guess this year was kinda different for me since I converted to Buddhism. When I prayed, I prayed solely to Bodhisattva Guan Shi Yin. And I prayed with understanding delivered from the Dharma. I managed to get my family to go to the Buddhist temple in Eunos after that. When I kneel and pray to the Buddha, the rest of the world disappears and I can hear and feel my words resonate in my head and I know I have connected to him through my mind and heart. Was blessed by the monk on duty with holy water blessed with the Suttas.



After that, we fufilled our ahem . self invitation to a fren's house. To my delight, my dad let me drive to Pungol! He's been more willing to give me the keys ever since i got my spore license. So whoopee day. I scared my family stiff racing in the right lane on the highway, and rounding a bend at 60 Km/hr. whoopz. still got a lot to learn. But nevertheless we got there.

Hai. cny. It gets less and less traditional each year. I still recall vaguely that in Loyang, my mom was really particular about every single detail. Presently, all those suffocating traditions have been lifted slightly. It's a little unnerving watching our traditions unravel like that. I guess tho' i have changed my views coz of my faith, I still adhere to traditions simply coz I wana keep the them alive. It's really sad to see all these quaint traditions that have held for thousands of years just go down the bowl.

Last week here in Singapore. Sigh. I'm always reluctant to leave the place that I reside in. I think it's a feeling that we all share. When you've been in Melb/ SPore for some time, you juz don't feel like moving your ass. Seriously. You'd think i'll be used to this constant shifting of scenery, but truth be told -- it's still as disorienting to both my mind and heart as it was 2 years ago.

When this holiday started off, it looked set to be a boring, useless vac. I coudln't find a job,and I didn't take up salsa/hiphop. When my siblings went back to school, and my frens returned to their hectic uni lives, I found myself casting around for things to do. I was literally bored out of my mind and started getting real peeved with myself for being such a useless bum. Needless to say, my stupid irritabiliy rubbed off on the ppl most dear to me. I told myself, ok , since you can't find a job, stop acting like a bitch and make your self useful. And just as Buddha had taught, the conditions change so rapidly the moment I told myslef to sit up and stop whining. The Devas must have guided me to find good fellowship ( Literally heh) :) . After speaking to J, WJ and HX from Buddhist Fellowship, I was utterly moved by their selflessness to volunteer wat little free time they had to reach out and help other sentient beings. J went to a remote village in Thailand to teach. HX badly wanted to volunteer for the firefly missino to the Tsunami strucky areas but the SAF wouldn't let him go. WJ was another enthusiastic volunteer who spent his holidays helping out at Ren ci Hosp or volunteering at other associations. He told me," Before I converted to Buddhism, I was damn selfish, damn dao. Didn't give a shit about others. It (Buddhism) really changes you.. it does. "
So this words spurred me on to find volunteer work. I searched online, emailed ppl but unfornately, I coudln't find a suitable job because they demanded long periods of commitment, which I presently coudlnt' fufill. And then change came aknocking again. HH called me and I found that both my wishes had been fufilled. I landed a job with a bra company ( hehe) and a volunteer job with Yong En care center.

That was a month ago. Last weekend, I bade farewell to all my new friends I made in this short month. Never before have I felt so reluctant to leave. 3 days, 3 seperations -- from my colleagues, my fellow volunteers at Yong En and my Buddhist Fellowship members.


Of big fish and Small fries

Well, the big big boss from HK came to visit our office so everyone was pretty edgey. It was a pretty busy and stressful last day for me. I kena scolded by a manager! Jac left a memo for me to type and instructions to give it out to 2 managers. I followed her instructions but there was a discrepancy on the memo and the accounts manager started lecturing me about the mistake. He ticked me off for about almost everything I did -- giving him a copy of the memo and giving his secretary a copy too ( she told me give him one direct, I got confused, because it was against my instructions) , cluttering up his desk, not knowing the signing procedure. He delivered all this in a condescending manner, sneering at me contemptously all the time. I replied in a voice trembling with barely contained exasperation :" Sir, I'm just a temp and i"m leaving today. The look of shock on his face was indeed priceless. One up for XtraLarge. " You're leaving today???" he sputtered. The accountant next to him smothered a smile.

yez sir, i was leaving that day. And btw, didn't you know that secretaries were just messengers? The insurance policy arrangements were totally out of my reach and you could have been more patient in guiding me through the process since I was new. You havent' dealt with me before. I 'd understand if I made a mistake after you had briefed me the first time. You weren't exactly yelling, but you weren't that polite either. I don't think any one , no matter how junior, deserves to be addressed in such a manner.

That manager apparently had quite a bad reputation with the staff. He loved scolding ppl, especially ppl not under his charge. I voiced my grieviences with my new colleague. She wasn't too happy herself at being scolded by the director that morning. THe director had given her a set of instructions the night b4, and she had followed them. The next morning, she was scolded because the director had changed the instructions but not informed her. We trudged miserably with the cakes to the conference room to set up for the meeting with MR BIG BOSS from HK. I think she deserved more sympaty than me. I suppose it's excusable to yell at me, coz i'm the most junior, but getting yelled at when you're a mother iz pretty mortifying. Esp since it was only her 3rd day at work. It was really the day everythign taht could go wrong went wrong. We small fries were kept scuttling around. Trying to keep afoot of everything and trying to stay out of the big bosses' wrath.

I realise that the higher up you move in rank, the more out touch with reality you become. Bosses expect the impossible to be done at teh snap of a finger. They become demanding ppl who think they rule the earth. We make them the top grade coffee ( yet never down the ones you painstakingly make) , we help settle their bills( personal ones too, goodness), we give in to their demands ( cost in efficient or not).. but nothing seems to satisfy. THey change appts at whim and fancy, leavin gyou to deal with many many irrate pple whom you cancelled bookings with. It's tough being the small fry.

I suppose big fish were small fries once too. And they're bossy and demanding coz that's wat makes them the big fish. A company needs that driving force of a demandnig big fish to keep them chuggin forward towards excellence.

This stint of work was a good experience . I helped me learn to swallow my pride, take orders, pay rapt attentions to details i would dearly love to overlook, take steps to make new frens ina short period of time. There were times I wanted to yell and fume at ppl who decided that the smallest fry in the company could be bullied into taking up menial, senseless little tasks they could do themselves. But i took their demands with a pinch of salt and just coped as best as I could, accepting the endless pile of tasks with a smile and the assurance i'll get it done asap. By the end of my stint, i found myslef striking up friendly conversations with the very ppl i loathed at the start of my employment. it's a reminder to me to be patient and not let first impressions get in the way of opportunities. Strangely, the BFellowship touched on that subject on Sunday - - Buddhism and human relationships. The topic steered to workplace politics and I found that my experience helped me relate to the topic much better.

I'm gonna miss everyone at the workplace. yeah, even that manager who later tried to strike up a guilt-driven conversation with me in the lift. Esp my supervisor Jac and SH who helped me and showed me the ropes. Jac was probably everyon'es dream boss. She looked out for me, treated me 2 lunch sometimes, brought me out for lunch with our colleagues when we drove out. She was patient, friendly and a great person to chat to. Upon hearing my run in with Mr manager, she wanted to go have it out with him. Fortunatley, the arrival of the Big Boss kept her too busy to persue the matter. She gave me a bra set before I left. ;)

other advantages of working with the largest lingerie firm in singapore : I'm now an expert in the bra ranges. And i'm crazed for lingerie.
NOw when i walk pass dept stores and thier bra section, i feel a sense of pride that i was part and parcel of the planning and setting up of the sales. I had a good time there. :)

The love and compassion of ppl

After tutoring sec 3 and racking my brains for long forgotten math formulas and chem theories, i bade May and jocelyn farewell. May was one amazing lady. She dedicated her life to helping ppl. Her love and her determinatino to make a difference really moved me. It was an honour getting to know her and workign with her. Tutoring kids was challenging. I tried my hand at both primary school n sec school level. But i'm glad i got the chance to help. It was an eye opener for me coz i grew up always surrounded by kids who were of high calibre. It was pleasing to see the determination some of these kids exuded. Well - as for those who monkeyed around and threw paper planes in my class, let's just say i'm not as mild and demunitive as i look. Chilli padis are small but they do pack a punch.

Here's a story ( cracks fingers.. hey lemme try my skill as a story teller ok? )

My last session with them saw WM talking about Karma. He told of a story I found quite uplifting but made a lot of sense.

A wealthy old man was about to pass away after a bout of illness. After musing on his death bed, he realised how scared he was of the loneliness that came with dying. So he called his 4 wives to his death bed.

Turning to his youngest and most doted on wife, he asked" My dear wife, so sweet, young and fair. Will you accompany me to my grave when death comes knocking on my door?"

The beauty averted her eyes from the old man's wrinkled face and replied. " My lord, you ask to much of me.I can't follow you to your grave. But because I love you, I will stay by your side till the very instant your last breath lives your body."

The old man felt an ache in his heart for these weren't the words he wanted to hear from his most cherished wife.

Turning to his 3rd wife, he asked again." My dear wife, who cares for me so well. Will you accompany me to my grave when death comes knocking on my door?"

The good lady bowed her head and said. " My lord. You ask too much of me. I don't wish to die so young. But because I love you, I will accompany your dead body to the gates of your estate and bid you farewell."

THe old man sighed, for this was still not the answer his heart seeked for. He turned to his 2nd wife and asked,"My dear lady, so devoted and kind. Will you accompany me to my grave when death comes knocking on my door?"

The 2nd wife patted his hands. " My lord, you ask too much of me. I still have a few good years left to live. I don't wish to depart yet. But because I love you, I will accompany the hearse to your grave and return each year to bring fresh flowers in memory of you."

The old man was glad to hear her kind words but his heart ached for the answer he wanted to hear.

Finally he turned to his eldest wife, a wrinkled and bent old lady whoes face was once as lovely as the flowers that blossomed in Spring time.

" My life long companion, playmate and mother to my children.Will you accompany me to my grave when death claims me as its own?"

Without hesitation, the old lady took his trembling hand in hers and replied. " Yes, my lord. I will go with you to your grave and accompany you in your next life and the ones after."

so wat's the moral of the story you might ask?

Treat your first wife the best.

?

Serious! Treat your first wife with care!

The 4th wife stands for our beauty and youth. Qualities we are attached to the most. But they are also the first to leave us.
The 3rd wife stands for fame and fortune. They may accompany us to the grave, but after some time, they will leave us too.
The 2nd wife is our frens and our families. They cherish us and will remember us from time to come, but they will be left behind in this life.
THe 1st wife is our karma. It is the least attended to in your lifetime but it will follow you to your grave and in lifetimes to come.

So yeah..pay attention to your first wife.

i never had a better vac back in singaopre. To all the new friends I made in so short a time : farewell and all the best! Thanks for being part of my life this past month!


Before I met the Lord Buddha and learnt His ways,
I was selfish and sad.
I only wanted things for myself.
Now I see that there are others I can channel this enery to.
There are others I can pray for and send hope to.
No longer am i sad that I cannot find love for myself
For the love of the Devas , Buddha's and Boddhisattvas has found its way into my heart.
And my love for all sentient beings as been awaken.
Thank you lord Buddha
For showing me the path.
The path of loving kindness and compassion.
The path to happiness.