a little Xtra

juz got results back.. groan.. didn't do that well. but i suppose i 'd already done my best to create the best conditions, but still fell short.. gotta chong next sem :)

Met up with HH and nK and sharon on friday... HH is leaving for Glasgow.. sobz. But we had fun.. Fooling around, er.. tho' nic kinda knocked that delectable looking mud cake in my direction at coffee club and nearly recoloured my white shirt. yeah.. i know chipmunks are supposed to be brown, but that was a WHITE shirt!!!

Got stuck at kino reading torey hayden's murphy's boy with HH till nK dragged us out. Ahh well. last time we'll be fooling around like this for another year b4 HH leaves .gonna miss these crazy times gal.

went cycling with j yesterday, went to Fo guang Shan temple for prayers this morning.. urgh. i keep getting off at teh wrong stop. i was wandering aroudn teh paya labar area, wondering where the building was.. THe temple was about the same size as teh one in Melbournetemple and the prayers were chanted in a similar order.. so didn't feel lost at all. :) nice to hear the sutras again. It always soothes my heart and mind.

I dunno if this is gonna be a habit, but got off at the wrong bus stop on teh way back again.. geez. meeting cowzy for dinner later

Life is just full of surprises, both bad and good. As I strum and sang the chorus of the song Big Yellow Taxi, it struck me how much the words meant to me.


" don't it always seem to go,
that you don't know what you've got till it's gone."


I was stunned to discover that one of my family friends had been just diagnosed with Nasopharyngeal cancer.. Stage 3. He was a smiliar age as my dad, extremely active and healthy. He had a family with 3 young kids and a beautiful wife. What do you do when your pal is diagnosed with such advanced cancer? Do you rush off to see him? What do you say? My mind drifted back to our HP lectures on cancer and resilience, but the words on the lecture notes just made no sense. I'ts so easy to say in theory.. good social support helps improve the prognosis. BUt when you're actually faced with it, it's hard to translate that into words.

" Shi jie de dong xi shi wu chang de."

Everything in this world is impermanent. My dad's brother called us to tell us he had the very same cancer... though he's prognosis was a little better. I am praying hard for both of them that they will pull through. Please Guan Shi Yin Pu Sa, please give them the strength to bear the disease.

It's been like a week plus since i landed my butt back in spore. Time really slips through your grasp when you fail to notice it. Been meeting up with pple.. i think that's all i've been doing. mwahaha.. interesting life. and yez.. learning new songs on my new guitar! Still can't figure a name for it.. er.. Cutie?

Post exam madness.



hai.. back in SIngapore. Sometimes,I keep thinking that Melbourne is a dream that I awake from. Aiai is right, it's bloody disorientating at times. The weather is awwwwwful. SO wat have i been up to? lemme see.. came back on wed... It was really farnie on tusday. unbelieavable. I had lunch with LZ, EC n QY. Then me and Lz went to bridge road. picked up a wallet for jo in the city.. really nice pink one. :) she liked it super alot.. too bad my taste in the skirt wasn't as good. nvm. mom took up the skirt. Then we went to the club in crown for the partee.. the club was AWESOME.. only one snag. there wa sutterly no one there. SO we had dinner first. hAD to bring the fish and chips out of the casino coz qy was denied entry.

We tried to go back to teh club b4 I realised I had utterly nonnonono time. So i raced off to catch the tram. and i just missed tram 19 back!!!! I THe taxi was arriving at 9pm!!! I rang Kelv and asked him to bring down my luggage. just as teh tram pulled up, i saw the taxi arrive. I screamed, ran up to my room, took off my coat and pulled on my fav sweater.. and raced downstairs. after the taxi arrived at lz's place.. to my horror i saw charz, aiai and ec racing from the tram to the house..


Neway, to cut the long story short, we got to the airport.. whew. quite fun. nic k and 2 year ones were there too.. together with aiai,charz, lz, qy and ec.. so fun. huge congregation at teh airport...found out Rennita was in melb uni and she was from the class next to mine in rjc.. yup.. she also sat with me in the cabin.. so had a companion..


Oh yeah!!! didn't blog aobut JT concert.. IT WAS AWESOME!!!! ok.. mebbe ot totally worth my 130 bux.. but getting there.. GOSH. he is so talented.. plays guitar, piano.. vocal percuc.. ARGH. the crowd was good too.. we were dancing and screaming .( i managed to dance in to the chair in front) usual.

neway.. back to singapore.. managed 2 hours of sleep only. on the plane.
A gust of humid and hot air greeted me in spore.. Was too lazy to take off my sweater, so i was merrily roasting.. mom picked me up.. yay! good to be home!


Dad let me drive his car.. been driving.. and giving everyone heart attacks.. revved up the engine to 8000 rpm and jammed the accelerator.. gulp. dad was pretty mad.
but he let me drive today to the mrt station.

celebrated jo's belated bday and dad's bday and father's day.. met up with xy, had breakie with hilda and hung out at her place. went to watch shrek 2 with nic k and his fren. and Yay!!! i bought my new guitar!!! but i spent like a whole day hunting for it.. unbelievable..my fren and i got lost half the time, i know spore is supposed to be small, but the city is one mean place to navigate.. i think we walked from dhoby gaut to bugis to city hall to bugis back to dhoby gaut.and in many many many circles. holy shit. all that for a guitar and as murphy's law runs.. i found my guitar at the very last place we looked. it's a darling tho'.. a mini classical.. it's neck is a lot slimmer.. the sound probably not as good as the full size one, but the finishings are better.. and the sound was acceptable for a guitar that size.. tho'. i need some time to get use to it, coz i 'm used to stretching a lot more to play some chords.paid 80 bux for it. it's cute :). haven't come up with a name for it yet hto'. j suggested baobei (2), haha.. aiyoh.. my poor baobei guitar in melbouren.. all alone.. sobz. well at least she doesn't get tortured by my singing anymore, till she comes back mwahaha. neway, really awesome of jc to look out 4 guitar places, tho'. but i juz realised how bad my sense of direction was.

Petrol stops in a person's life (2)


The moment the Reverend started the lecture, I knew I was in trouble. Try as I might to make out her lecture through her thick accent, I knew that my limited knowledge of Chinese was going to bring me crashing down. I paused and stuttered and came up with a sorry excuse of a translation for what she had just uttered. The audience fidgeted and frowned. Sensing my discomfort and teh audience's impatience, the Reverend immediately told the audience that it was my first time.

" Everyone needs a chance to start and it is here in the temple that we learn to cultivate compassion in our hearts, and give our dharma sister a chance," she said. " Imagine, if she was outside on the streets attempting to translate,would she be able to enjoy the support she has now? No, I foresee many a rotten tomato heading her way!"

THe audience laughed gently, and I felt the fear leave me. So it continued, me trying to keep up with the reverned and translate her words of wisdom as best as I could. Everytime she felt my confidence waver or my voice falter, the reverend would immediately support and encourage me. I was extremely grateful to her and wished fervently that I could properly express my gratitude to her with my limited chinese. Somehow, throughout the rest of the lecture,i was overcome with an inner feeling of peace and calm, and i knew that the Buddha was giving me the strength to help Him spread the Dharma, for I had prayed to Him for the strength prior to the dharma function. On the exterior, I faltered and failed to do the translation justice, but on the interior, my heart was bathed by the radiance of His aura, and I knew that He was watching over me and that He was supporting me throughout this time.

Afterward, I knelt in the prayer hall alone and prayed to Him for forgiveness, but with the knowledge that I had tried my best. I felt enlightened through this experience for it helped me discover my self confidence and face up to my problems instead of running away from them, something i was always inclined to do.

" One could be stupid, have a poor command of languages and have absolutely no knowledge of the great doctrine," Reverend Miaoyu told me after during the debrief. " But as long as you have the heart, sincerity and the determination to learn, i am willing to teach you and I am certain that i'll see an improvement. And help you I will, for you have touched me with your sincerity and willingness to learn. HAve confidence! You need to break into the circle of your problems, and let this be a start."

Princess park delights.


There is a park just opposite my apartment block. I never discovered the delights it held till my recent quest to lose the blubber on my hips sent me searching for a place to jog. This morning was no different. I stepped out of my house, relieved that the power failure had been sought. The park looked especially enticing, clothed in a veil of morning mist, with hints of sunlight streaming through, dancing off the pond waters. I headed towards Brunswick and down the 3km trek. The crisp green carpet grass that blanketed the park was linked by towering trees, which had unveiled their full autumn glory... As the wind blew across the park, it sent shower after shower of golded brown leafs scattering in every direction. The soothing scene was completed with lively dogs, racing after a ball or a frisbee that their owner had dispatched. It really appeared like one of those scenes you picture from reading a book...

Petrol stops in a person's life.

Had a chat with the reverend at the temple today. After being absolutely out of practise in translation, I was quite horrified by the material i had to translate for tomolo's session. I got pretty stressed out, trying to derive some meaning of the unfamiliar chinese words which were made up of the old chinese characters.

THe title of the piece was THe petrol stops in a person's life.
Translated directly, it talks about how one can recharge oneself throughout a lifetime in order to reach your goal in life. Good fellowship, guidance, books, education, and the temple and the Buddha are all petrol stations to help replenish our fuel and spur us on our way to our goals.

I was getting more and more panicky by the minute. Unfamiliar words on the paper seemed to taunt me and mock my lack of aptitude in my mother tongue. Apprehension filled my heart.. was i right to continue on the translation team? In my quest to discover and learn about Buddhism, I might end up misleading some of the congregation through my lousy translation.

I sought help from Reverend Miaoyu. At first, she seemed rather disappointed that I had difficulty reading the article and comprehending its deeper implications. After stumbling through and trying my best to understand her explaination, i was on the verge of giving up.

" I have a pretty bad command of Chinese," i told her. " It's more likely that I"ll bungle up the job. I had absolutely no time to practise this sem. "

THe reverend apposed her thumb and her index finger. " THis is the problem," she told me. " You're in a circle of difficulties. YOu say your command of Chinese is not good, you are new to this translating job, you're not well versed in buddhist studies. You need to find a place to break into your circle of difficulties." She tapped the point of apposition and abducted her digits. " If you just give up, the circle will remain unbroken. " She apposed her other fingers with her thumb. " it's just the first of many other difficulties you face. so you need to deal with it."

I told her i was afraid that I would be so terrilbe that i might mislead people in the congregation. " I'm stressed out," i said.

" Why do you volunteer to translate? " Reverend Miaoyu asked me.

" I want to spread the dharma and learn the dharma," i replied, staring miserably at the script in front of me. " But i'm not capable."

" Ping2 Chang2 Xing1, Shi4 dao4>" Reverend Miaoyu said. She wrote the characters in her beautiful writing on my script. " Do not compare yourself to the rest of the team. Competition arises from dischord. Your intentions must be clear. You are doing this because you want to learn, because you want to help. YOu ar enot doing this for fame or favour. There might be people better than you, but so what if there are? You have fufilled your intentions, you have tried your best. If people think you are not good enough, it is their opinion, not yours. Leanring is a process that takes time. You can learn from other people's good points, but don't go and compare your abilities with the rest Keep your intentions clear in your heart and rid yourself of any form of dischord or competitiveness. If it goes badly, tell yourself that you have trie dyour best and seek ways of improvement by asking for criticism from others. If it goes well, don't revel in your pride. Be humble, for there is always room for improvement."

" I guess you get the meaning of the article now," she passed the article to me.

I fingered with the paper, covered with me notes and shook my head.

" Your difficulties are your lack of fuel," she told me patiently. " The advice I am issueing to you is the fuel you need to travel, and your goal is to give yourself a chance and believe in yourself."


I guess that kinda applies with my daily life too.. me, ever the perfectionist who is forever tormented by my competitive streak. The only stresses we face are those we create for ourselves. Cause and condition hodl the answers to this suffering we face. The conditions must be right for a karma to ripen. I have been born into this world with the intellect that has been generated by my karma, and to get good grades I must ensure that teh conditions are ripe by studying hard. But ability has a limit, and I may fall short of my goals. However, my intent should dispell any disappointment I have. If i have really tried my best, there is no reason to grieve. I was kinda stressed out over the exam papers, cause they didn't go very well for me this semester round. Have been losing sleep over that lousy MCQ paper and i keep dredging up numerous mistakes in my SAQs, but hell.. it's over, i've put in every last piece of effort ( i hope ) into this piece of shit.. so that's that. Pass or fail, it's jury of cause and conditions will decide. May the Buddha give me strength to see that and comfort my aching heart and weary mind for He is one of "petrol stations.' of my life.