Friday, August 22, 2003
In sync with life.
After emerging from 2 crazy weeks of hitting an all time low, I've emerged. My life is getting back into the swing of things and guess what?? My friend's forming an acapella group. If there's anything to drives me wild, it's acappella singing. It's just the pure magic of making music using unadulterated voices. It's an amazing feeling when you perfect a song and I've longed to find an acap group here in melbourne uni. i was bubbling over with excitment when K told me about her plans.. We're presently recruiting people and I"ve thrown myself head on into the tasks. I feel like i've regain some of the zest and the anticipation that I've long forgotten. The work of planning the group, inviting people to join, selecting the scores, arranging them and finally performing!!! It's an addiction i can't forget. Despite the tiffs we often get , i've always loved making music with people. Acappella Cds have taken permanent residence on my player, acapella scores are back in business and i was singing with K in the lab, in between piercing our fingers for blood samples. it was quite a funny sight. My tutor just sat around and smiled at us. Music really brings everyone together, it boost you up with a shot of euphoria and takes away the pain. ( including sore fingers and thumbs from the pract). Mom tells me i'm over doing my activities, and i admit i seem a little up to my neck with them , but i just can't give this up. guitar, hip hop and singing... they're what I need in my life. I'm nothing without the joys of music.
After emerging from 2 crazy weeks of hitting an all time low, I've emerged. My life is getting back into the swing of things and guess what?? My friend's forming an acapella group. If there's anything to drives me wild, it's acappella singing. It's just the pure magic of making music using unadulterated voices. It's an amazing feeling when you perfect a song and I've longed to find an acap group here in melbourne uni. i was bubbling over with excitment when K told me about her plans.. We're presently recruiting people and I"ve thrown myself head on into the tasks. I feel like i've regain some of the zest and the anticipation that I've long forgotten. The work of planning the group, inviting people to join, selecting the scores, arranging them and finally performing!!! It's an addiction i can't forget. Despite the tiffs we often get , i've always loved making music with people. Acappella Cds have taken permanent residence on my player, acapella scores are back in business and i was singing with K in the lab, in between piercing our fingers for blood samples. it was quite a funny sight. My tutor just sat around and smiled at us. Music really brings everyone together, it boost you up with a shot of euphoria and takes away the pain. ( including sore fingers and thumbs from the pract). Mom tells me i'm over doing my activities, and i admit i seem a little up to my neck with them , but i just can't give this up. guitar, hip hop and singing... they're what I need in my life. I'm nothing without the joys of music.
Sunday, August 17, 2003
Scrubs.
I took one look at N's sms and nearly had a heart attack. HOSPITAL???? I yanked up the phone and dialled his handphone no. Spent some time trying to figure what the poor guy was trying to croak. Emergency department???? Oh boy, this was sounding quite bad.
" I'll be right down," I told him. Putting myself in his position, getting admitted to a hospital in a foreign country, with your family half the globe away was going to be a hell of a traumatic experience.
When I reached the emergency department, I was gasping for air, both from the long walk and from the blasted wind that wouldn't give up. I ended up irritating the nurse who couldn't figure out what I was trying to say. The ward was really stuffy and hot and there was this omnimous feeling that just crept up on me and refused to go away. In my panic, I had forgotten the bed number. Great. I wandered back out, irritated the nurse somemore. She looked like she wanted to bite my head off. Geez. Is it a crime to lose your voice????
I finally located N. I just leaned on the wall cause an enormous I.V. drip was guarding the visitor's chair. N gave me a blow by blow account of what happened. Honestly, if I were him, I think I would have just died of fright before I could get to the hospital. As N put wryly... he was a true blue PBL case. Amusing thing was that he had the mechanisms running through his head when he got the symptoms. Bad thing about being a med student. You can't be sick in peace. He was really weak and tired so I suggested that he go back to sleep and that the rest of the gang would be there in the afternoon. Sometimes, it's hard to remember that he's the youngest of the gang because he handles everything so maturely. I guess going overseas does put you in positions or situations that need you to be strong and independent. Things that you would never learn if you stayed at home. And this crazy past week has also taught me how to cherish my social network here in Melbourne.
Meantime, while he gets a much needed extension for his essay, I'll pray hard for his recovery.
I took one look at N's sms and nearly had a heart attack. HOSPITAL???? I yanked up the phone and dialled his handphone no. Spent some time trying to figure what the poor guy was trying to croak. Emergency department???? Oh boy, this was sounding quite bad.
" I'll be right down," I told him. Putting myself in his position, getting admitted to a hospital in a foreign country, with your family half the globe away was going to be a hell of a traumatic experience.
When I reached the emergency department, I was gasping for air, both from the long walk and from the blasted wind that wouldn't give up. I ended up irritating the nurse who couldn't figure out what I was trying to say. The ward was really stuffy and hot and there was this omnimous feeling that just crept up on me and refused to go away. In my panic, I had forgotten the bed number. Great. I wandered back out, irritated the nurse somemore. She looked like she wanted to bite my head off. Geez. Is it a crime to lose your voice????
I finally located N. I just leaned on the wall cause an enormous I.V. drip was guarding the visitor's chair. N gave me a blow by blow account of what happened. Honestly, if I were him, I think I would have just died of fright before I could get to the hospital. As N put wryly... he was a true blue PBL case. Amusing thing was that he had the mechanisms running through his head when he got the symptoms. Bad thing about being a med student. You can't be sick in peace. He was really weak and tired so I suggested that he go back to sleep and that the rest of the gang would be there in the afternoon. Sometimes, it's hard to remember that he's the youngest of the gang because he handles everything so maturely. I guess going overseas does put you in positions or situations that need you to be strong and independent. Things that you would never learn if you stayed at home. And this crazy past week has also taught me how to cherish my social network here in Melbourne.
Meantime, while he gets a much needed extension for his essay, I'll pray hard for his recovery.
Thursday, August 14, 2003
http://www.geocities.com/le_chatelier_uk/metabolism.html
I'm into metabolism songs now.. so ignore the link above if you're bored.
Feeling a little better today. Thank god ppl are greeting me with the words... " You look a weeeee bit better"
Well, I"M BACK IN BUSINESS BABY!!!
( imagines the horrified faces of peers)
Okokok .. I'll take it easy. I'll take it easy.
( clears throat and approaches mic.)
" Ahem... I wanna thank all my friends who have been floodingwith phone calls and smses and emails to check that I was still breathing. I couldn't have lived without you guys. I thank you all!!!!"
On a serious note...
It's an awesome feeling to feel energised. Seriously, it is. Usually you don't really notice it because energy courses through your veins half the time. It's only when you overtax your system that you fully appreciated what your body is usually capable of and how sweet your pals can be. Through the whole time I was down and out, I was never really alone. My buddies, neighbours never failed to surprise me with their unending concern. Thanks guys. I dunno what better way to put it.
I'm into metabolism songs now.. so ignore the link above if you're bored.
Feeling a little better today. Thank god ppl are greeting me with the words... " You look a weeeee bit better"
Well, I"M BACK IN BUSINESS BABY!!!
( imagines the horrified faces of peers)
Okokok .. I'll take it easy. I'll take it easy.
( clears throat and approaches mic.)
" Ahem... I wanna thank all my friends who have been floodingwith phone calls and smses and emails to check that I was still breathing. I couldn't have lived without you guys. I thank you all!!!!"
On a serious note...
It's an awesome feeling to feel energised. Seriously, it is. Usually you don't really notice it because energy courses through your veins half the time. It's only when you overtax your system that you fully appreciated what your body is usually capable of and how sweet your pals can be. Through the whole time I was down and out, I was never really alone. My buddies, neighbours never failed to surprise me with their unending concern. Thanks guys. I dunno what better way to put it.
Glucose -- ah, sugar sugar --
You are my favorite fuel
From the blood-borne substrate pool.
Glucose -- monosaccharide sugar --
You're sweeter than a woman's kiss
'Cause I need you for glycolysis.
I just can't believe the way my muscles take you in.
(For you, they'll open the door.)
All it takes is a little bit of insulin
(To upregulate GLUT4).
Ah, glucose -- ah, sugar sugar --
You help me make ATP
When my predators are chasing me.
Ah, glucose -- you're an aldehyde sugar,
And you're sweeter than a woman's kiss
'Cause I need you for glycolysis.
I just can't believe the way my muscles break you down.
(My glycogen is almost gone.)
A few more seconds and I'll be rigor mortis-bound.
(Acidosis done me wrong.)
Your sweet is turning sour, baby.
I'm losing all my power, baby.
I'm gonna make your muscles ache.
No, no, no!
I'm swimming in lactate, baby.
Yes, I'm swimming in lactate, baby.
Now I'm drowning in lactate, baby.
I'm gonna make your muscles ache.
No, no, no!
I'm drowning in lactate, baby.
Ah, glucose -- ah, sugar sugar --
I used you up and you left me flat;
Now I'll have to get my kicks from fat.
Oh, glucose, glucose, sugar, sugar,
The honeymoon is over now.
here's the link to the website. it's hilarious!!!! Check it out.
http://faculty.washington.edu/crowther/Misc/Songs/glucose.shtml
You are my favorite fuel
From the blood-borne substrate pool.
Glucose -- monosaccharide sugar --
You're sweeter than a woman's kiss
'Cause I need you for glycolysis.
I just can't believe the way my muscles take you in.
(For you, they'll open the door.)
All it takes is a little bit of insulin
(To upregulate GLUT4).
Ah, glucose -- ah, sugar sugar --
You help me make ATP
When my predators are chasing me.
Ah, glucose -- you're an aldehyde sugar,
And you're sweeter than a woman's kiss
'Cause I need you for glycolysis.
I just can't believe the way my muscles break you down.
(My glycogen is almost gone.)
A few more seconds and I'll be rigor mortis-bound.
(Acidosis done me wrong.)
Your sweet is turning sour, baby.
I'm losing all my power, baby.
I'm gonna make your muscles ache.
No, no, no!
I'm swimming in lactate, baby.
Yes, I'm swimming in lactate, baby.
Now I'm drowning in lactate, baby.
I'm gonna make your muscles ache.
No, no, no!
I'm drowning in lactate, baby.
Ah, glucose -- ah, sugar sugar --
I used you up and you left me flat;
Now I'll have to get my kicks from fat.
Oh, glucose, glucose, sugar, sugar,
The honeymoon is over now.
here's the link to the website. it's hilarious!!!! Check it out.
http://faculty.washington.edu/crowther/Misc/Songs/glucose.shtml
Racing ahead, muscles pumping,
Lungs aching for air.
Aware of the others,
hearing their ragged pants tear the silent night air.
Hurtling through the darkness,
wishing one could feel the finish line,
Determined to keep up with the crowd.
Suddenly,
sheer nothingness.
An unseen abyss in thy path.
Fell through the gaping chasm.
Hit the ground hard.
ANd lay there,
a tangled, helpless heap.
Lungs aching for air.
Aware of the others,
hearing their ragged pants tear the silent night air.
Hurtling through the darkness,
wishing one could feel the finish line,
Determined to keep up with the crowd.
Suddenly,
sheer nothingness.
An unseen abyss in thy path.
Fell through the gaping chasm.
Hit the ground hard.
ANd lay there,
a tangled, helpless heap.
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
OMG... AIR SUPPLY WAS IN SINGAPORE!!!! Sob, i love them. Wish I could go watch them.
oK. ignore the outburst, that was uncalled for.
BUT urgh.i love their songs.. right. right. the blog the blog..
Of Docs, blood, friends and central fatigue.
I still felt pretty crummy in the morning. By now, my sheer irritation of not being able to function 100 % had now decreased to a defeated resignation. I had already increased my sleeping hours, cut down my activites and workload.. and nothing worked. I faced the mirror, splashed cold water on my drawn face and rubbed it hard, wishing i could just rub out the dark rings under my eyes, which would have won me a tara panda look alike contest anyday. " BUCK UP GAL!!!" I yelled at my reflection, frustrated at the lack of energy my mind and my body possessed. But my image just stared back listlessly at me, mocking me.
I told Kn to go ahead, prefering instead to catch the tram. Saw Ed and M disappear behind the front door but I didn't have the strength to call out or catch up with them. Spotting the tram arriving, I raced ahead. But the fucking driver just closed the door in my face and drove off. I slumped back on the divider, praying that the next tram wouldn't be delayed. I hated to be late for school, it just got me all the more stressed out, which wasn't very advisable in my current state.
Thankfully the next tram arrived on time. I sunk gratefully into a seat and proceeded to arrange a medical appointment. I just had to find out what was wrong with me. I hated being in this useless, crapped up state. But secretly, I knew the doctors would probably be in the dark about the origin of my extreme exhaustion. I tried to hold a conversation with a fac. mate I met on the tram but my usual bubbly nature just couldn't surface from beneath the dark, dominating cloud of fatigue.
Somehow, I managed to make it into the lecture theatre. I pulled out my prezzie for WY and wished her a happy birthday. I felt so frustrated. THe usual me would have probably screamed a loud happy birthday, hugged the lucky person and probably kept pelting the birthday kid with happy birthday cheers all day long. The first lecture seem to past like a dream ( or rather a nightmare). I walked to the library , meeting edison and kenneth on the way up. They looked rather perplex to see me. Yeah, i still looked like shit . yeah yeah.. can someone pls tell me something different.. like.. OH GOD>. you look like a cow! That would be refreshing. I pulled out lehninger and tried my darnest to study insulin regulation or something to that effect. Looking up after another vain attempt to study, I spotted S coming round. It was rather amusing to see him in the silent section of the lib. Knowing him, he would much rather have being skewered alive than stuck in a hushed environment. He greeted me, told me i looked like crap ( which was starting to sound like a familiar greeting), whacked me on the head with his notes, and told me to go home and sleep. I stuck my tongue out at him and defiantly flipped open my notes and tried to study. My date with the doc was only at 10.45am and i was already so behind my work. I was gonna try to study as much as I could even if it killed me.
At about 10.23am i was convinced that nothing was going to go in my head. I headed to the clinic for my appointment. I prayed I would get a good doctor for i '[d already had my share of rather doubtful ones. My doctor was a kinda man with a rather wheezy voice. I immediately felt at ease as I trudged into his room. With furrowed eyebrows, he ran me through a couple of test, which after my short time in med school, suddenly made a whole lot more sense. He told me my lymph nodes were slightly swollen but could find no further errors in my body. He told me to go for a blood test and have an early night. I sighed and made my way to the familiar nurse's room. Ever since I started med school, they've been putting holes in me whenever the opportunity arose. The nurse placed the needle in my vein, tried to move it around and ended up with torn skin and no blood sample. " Sorry dear," she said as she popped in the needle at the exact same, tender spot on my arm. I just looked at the spot, horrified. Thinking of a patient I saw on Wednesday, I was reminded about how important it was to get painful procedures right. That bruise on the arm of that kindly old lady made me hope I wouldn't have to hurt anyone so bad. My thoughts settled on the patient again. It's hard not to form attachments to your patients though you need to draw the line between work and friendships. But all I really wanted to do that day was to buy a bunch of flowers, show up at her door and cheer her up. But I knew if I did that, I would have crossed over the line of professionlism. It's sad, but it's better not to become emotionally involved with work.
The nurse apologies drew my thoughts back to the present. I gathered my stuff, sat outside for a while and then went for lunch at subway. Then i made my way back for lecture. David egbert sent the whole fac into throes of helpless laughter by playing a parody of " Sugar.. oh honey honey"
Glucose..!. Oh sugar sugar..
You're a monosacharide...
A lovely aldehyde!!!
I'm drowning in lactate baby..
Drowning in lactate baby...
Sheesh. And I thought " Do you see the benzene rings" and " I will " metabolize ( survive)" were bad enough. The ridiculousness of the song had me giggling. It was a clever parady no doubt and a witty finish to the lecture on glucose and insulin. But the last few lines were quite pertinent to me... drowning in lactate.. I could relate to that. ONly that I had central fatigue, not peripheral fatigue.
I gave HMB lecture a miss.. catching the tram home to sleep. Met a guilty, sheepish looking W on the tram back. Guess people do give the lectures a miss after all. As I readied myself for bed, I prayed that I would wake up ok, but somehow, I knew that wasn't going to happen. My friends have been worrying about me and I was so touched by their concern. I wish fervently I could spruce up somehow but nothing seem to be happening...
Well, the fatigue is still hanging around me like a hateful shadow. I still look like crap and I still have to study. Life doesn't change much, does it????
I was trying to pass a stack of books to my friends when I nearly knocked the topmost one over onto the girl sitting in front of me in the lecture theatre. The title of the book was aptly named.. " Aggression in girls"
oK. ignore the outburst, that was uncalled for.
BUT urgh.i love their songs.. right. right. the blog the blog..
Of Docs, blood, friends and central fatigue.
I still felt pretty crummy in the morning. By now, my sheer irritation of not being able to function 100 % had now decreased to a defeated resignation. I had already increased my sleeping hours, cut down my activites and workload.. and nothing worked. I faced the mirror, splashed cold water on my drawn face and rubbed it hard, wishing i could just rub out the dark rings under my eyes, which would have won me a tara panda look alike contest anyday. " BUCK UP GAL!!!" I yelled at my reflection, frustrated at the lack of energy my mind and my body possessed. But my image just stared back listlessly at me, mocking me.
I told Kn to go ahead, prefering instead to catch the tram. Saw Ed and M disappear behind the front door but I didn't have the strength to call out or catch up with them. Spotting the tram arriving, I raced ahead. But the fucking driver just closed the door in my face and drove off. I slumped back on the divider, praying that the next tram wouldn't be delayed. I hated to be late for school, it just got me all the more stressed out, which wasn't very advisable in my current state.
Thankfully the next tram arrived on time. I sunk gratefully into a seat and proceeded to arrange a medical appointment. I just had to find out what was wrong with me. I hated being in this useless, crapped up state. But secretly, I knew the doctors would probably be in the dark about the origin of my extreme exhaustion. I tried to hold a conversation with a fac. mate I met on the tram but my usual bubbly nature just couldn't surface from beneath the dark, dominating cloud of fatigue.
Somehow, I managed to make it into the lecture theatre. I pulled out my prezzie for WY and wished her a happy birthday. I felt so frustrated. THe usual me would have probably screamed a loud happy birthday, hugged the lucky person and probably kept pelting the birthday kid with happy birthday cheers all day long. The first lecture seem to past like a dream ( or rather a nightmare). I walked to the library , meeting edison and kenneth on the way up. They looked rather perplex to see me. Yeah, i still looked like shit . yeah yeah.. can someone pls tell me something different.. like.. OH GOD>. you look like a cow! That would be refreshing. I pulled out lehninger and tried my darnest to study insulin regulation or something to that effect. Looking up after another vain attempt to study, I spotted S coming round. It was rather amusing to see him in the silent section of the lib. Knowing him, he would much rather have being skewered alive than stuck in a hushed environment. He greeted me, told me i looked like crap ( which was starting to sound like a familiar greeting), whacked me on the head with his notes, and told me to go home and sleep. I stuck my tongue out at him and defiantly flipped open my notes and tried to study. My date with the doc was only at 10.45am and i was already so behind my work. I was gonna try to study as much as I could even if it killed me.
At about 10.23am i was convinced that nothing was going to go in my head. I headed to the clinic for my appointment. I prayed I would get a good doctor for i '[d already had my share of rather doubtful ones. My doctor was a kinda man with a rather wheezy voice. I immediately felt at ease as I trudged into his room. With furrowed eyebrows, he ran me through a couple of test, which after my short time in med school, suddenly made a whole lot more sense. He told me my lymph nodes were slightly swollen but could find no further errors in my body. He told me to go for a blood test and have an early night. I sighed and made my way to the familiar nurse's room. Ever since I started med school, they've been putting holes in me whenever the opportunity arose. The nurse placed the needle in my vein, tried to move it around and ended up with torn skin and no blood sample. " Sorry dear," she said as she popped in the needle at the exact same, tender spot on my arm. I just looked at the spot, horrified. Thinking of a patient I saw on Wednesday, I was reminded about how important it was to get painful procedures right. That bruise on the arm of that kindly old lady made me hope I wouldn't have to hurt anyone so bad. My thoughts settled on the patient again. It's hard not to form attachments to your patients though you need to draw the line between work and friendships. But all I really wanted to do that day was to buy a bunch of flowers, show up at her door and cheer her up. But I knew if I did that, I would have crossed over the line of professionlism. It's sad, but it's better not to become emotionally involved with work.
The nurse apologies drew my thoughts back to the present. I gathered my stuff, sat outside for a while and then went for lunch at subway. Then i made my way back for lecture. David egbert sent the whole fac into throes of helpless laughter by playing a parody of " Sugar.. oh honey honey"
Glucose..!. Oh sugar sugar..
You're a monosacharide...
A lovely aldehyde!!!
I'm drowning in lactate baby..
Drowning in lactate baby...
Sheesh. And I thought " Do you see the benzene rings" and " I will " metabolize ( survive)" were bad enough. The ridiculousness of the song had me giggling. It was a clever parady no doubt and a witty finish to the lecture on glucose and insulin. But the last few lines were quite pertinent to me... drowning in lactate.. I could relate to that. ONly that I had central fatigue, not peripheral fatigue.
I gave HMB lecture a miss.. catching the tram home to sleep. Met a guilty, sheepish looking W on the tram back. Guess people do give the lectures a miss after all. As I readied myself for bed, I prayed that I would wake up ok, but somehow, I knew that wasn't going to happen. My friends have been worrying about me and I was so touched by their concern. I wish fervently I could spruce up somehow but nothing seem to be happening...
Well, the fatigue is still hanging around me like a hateful shadow. I still look like crap and I still have to study. Life doesn't change much, does it????
I was trying to pass a stack of books to my friends when I nearly knocked the topmost one over onto the girl sitting in front of me in the lecture theatre. The title of the book was aptly named.. " Aggression in girls"
Monday, August 11, 2003
Had to literally drag myself to school today. THe fatigue has yet to leave me.. Argh. What in the world is wrong with me????? I'm just running on the bare minimum. Wanted to go for hiphop, changed out, figured I was gonna end up knocked out on the floor, changed back and headed for the lib to study. But coudln't make it true half my notes... Sigh. I just feel like clobbering myself. I feel so .. u-s-e-l-e-s-s.
Sunday, August 10, 2003
Burnt out and frozen.
I don't know what in the world is wrong with me. On Saturday morning, i felt a twinge of exhaustion as I did my marketing with HH, but it didn't bother me much and I shrugged it off. But later when I was chanting the sutras in the temple, it came back with a vengence. I felt exhausted. It was as though I couldn't pick myself up and move on with the activities I had to do. It felt like I had just run into a wall headon and was sitting on the floor in an utter daze. I felt riduculously irritated at everyone although they had done zilch to offend me in anyway. I could barely listen to Shi Fu's sermon and I couldn't summon enough concentration to practise my translating skills. I prayed to the Buddha to help me ease my turmoil.
Trudy told me I looked so tired but I just laughed it off and put it down to the extreme lack of sleep. I had to deal with a packed schedule for the whole of the past week and my mind and body were complaining over the lack of rest, but there were so many things to do I couldn't slip out of the momentum of things. Trudy and I discussed about Buddhism as we made our way to the university. Even with the cool wind blowing in my face, i found it hard to even concentrate on where I was placing my feet.
I located HH in the library and pulled out my lecture notes to revise, but my brain felt as though it had been stuffed with cotton wool. I laid my head down to rest and promptly drifted off until one hour before closing time. " Good morning princess!" HH chirped. BUt her remark failed to elicit the usual smile from me. She peered at my form which was sprawled uncermoniously on the table and chided me for not going to bed. How to? I couldn't even restuff my metabolic pathways in my head. They had all disappeared into nothingness even after I had gone through them about 3 times. I gave up, packed up my stuff and dragged myself home. I had a pot luck session to attend.
I made my way home, hauled out my pots and pans and started trying to make shephard's pie. Then I packed everything up and walked to WY's house. We were going to surprise her with a birthday cake cum celebration and I didn't wanna miss it. The spread was sumptuous and as usual, Nic's teriyaki Salmon took centre stage. I hated to spoil the dinner but i was really feeling like crap at night. " Come on," I muttered inwardly. " Spruce up. There's nothing wrong with you." But my quesiness just increased as the evening went on and my friends remarked that I looked awful. Awful?? But I had no symptoms! What on earth was the matter with me? I just couldn't figure. I was immensely touched by my friends' concern. But it seemed rather amusing. I was in a room surround by would be doctors and I couldn't figure what bug I had caught.
I managed to stay for the entire gathering and as usual, I enjoyed myself immensely. But I felt guilty for being such a drip in the party. I put myself to bed early and awoke to the sound of sms messages asking me if I felt better. I felt blessed to have such wonderful and caring buddies. I cleaned my house which was looking more like a pig sty everyday and cooked lunch for HH and myself. She dropped by after Church and we started chatting about our grandparents' and our parents' lives. Queer topic, but it was pretty interesting.
The quesiness returned and I started feeling like crap again in the afternoon so I didn't head for the library with HH. I headed straight to bed after an attempt to do my HMB essay. I'm still trying my best to do the essay now but I can't seem to concentrate. I 'm reminded of the question I got once.. Is it possible to feel ill without any signs of disease. Well, my answer to you is OF COURSE!!!!!
I still can't figure why I feel so crapped up and the tiredness as yet to cease tormenting me. All I can hope is that I'll be up and ready to go tomorrow. I don't even want to think of the work I've accumulated over this wasted weekend.
I don't know what in the world is wrong with me. On Saturday morning, i felt a twinge of exhaustion as I did my marketing with HH, but it didn't bother me much and I shrugged it off. But later when I was chanting the sutras in the temple, it came back with a vengence. I felt exhausted. It was as though I couldn't pick myself up and move on with the activities I had to do. It felt like I had just run into a wall headon and was sitting on the floor in an utter daze. I felt riduculously irritated at everyone although they had done zilch to offend me in anyway. I could barely listen to Shi Fu's sermon and I couldn't summon enough concentration to practise my translating skills. I prayed to the Buddha to help me ease my turmoil.
Trudy told me I looked so tired but I just laughed it off and put it down to the extreme lack of sleep. I had to deal with a packed schedule for the whole of the past week and my mind and body were complaining over the lack of rest, but there were so many things to do I couldn't slip out of the momentum of things. Trudy and I discussed about Buddhism as we made our way to the university. Even with the cool wind blowing in my face, i found it hard to even concentrate on where I was placing my feet.
I located HH in the library and pulled out my lecture notes to revise, but my brain felt as though it had been stuffed with cotton wool. I laid my head down to rest and promptly drifted off until one hour before closing time. " Good morning princess!" HH chirped. BUt her remark failed to elicit the usual smile from me. She peered at my form which was sprawled uncermoniously on the table and chided me for not going to bed. How to? I couldn't even restuff my metabolic pathways in my head. They had all disappeared into nothingness even after I had gone through them about 3 times. I gave up, packed up my stuff and dragged myself home. I had a pot luck session to attend.
I made my way home, hauled out my pots and pans and started trying to make shephard's pie. Then I packed everything up and walked to WY's house. We were going to surprise her with a birthday cake cum celebration and I didn't wanna miss it. The spread was sumptuous and as usual, Nic's teriyaki Salmon took centre stage. I hated to spoil the dinner but i was really feeling like crap at night. " Come on," I muttered inwardly. " Spruce up. There's nothing wrong with you." But my quesiness just increased as the evening went on and my friends remarked that I looked awful. Awful?? But I had no symptoms! What on earth was the matter with me? I just couldn't figure. I was immensely touched by my friends' concern. But it seemed rather amusing. I was in a room surround by would be doctors and I couldn't figure what bug I had caught.
I managed to stay for the entire gathering and as usual, I enjoyed myself immensely. But I felt guilty for being such a drip in the party. I put myself to bed early and awoke to the sound of sms messages asking me if I felt better. I felt blessed to have such wonderful and caring buddies. I cleaned my house which was looking more like a pig sty everyday and cooked lunch for HH and myself. She dropped by after Church and we started chatting about our grandparents' and our parents' lives. Queer topic, but it was pretty interesting.
The quesiness returned and I started feeling like crap again in the afternoon so I didn't head for the library with HH. I headed straight to bed after an attempt to do my HMB essay. I'm still trying my best to do the essay now but I can't seem to concentrate. I 'm reminded of the question I got once.. Is it possible to feel ill without any signs of disease. Well, my answer to you is OF COURSE!!!!!
I still can't figure why I feel so crapped up and the tiredness as yet to cease tormenting me. All I can hope is that I'll be up and ready to go tomorrow. I don't even want to think of the work I've accumulated over this wasted weekend.
Saturday, August 09, 2003
The ICe Queen
" You don't have to do anything. Just sit there." Such were the words of the teacher which sealed my decision to be the lab subject. Just sit there and act like queen of the lab :). SOunds good. Alright, that wasn't the real reason. I was more curious to find out how much I could endure. Plus, the other subject to be was my friend and I didn't feel like making her do something I wouldn't do myself. Weird??? Fine, take it that I'm too naive.
And I was fast regretting the decision. A few minutes later, I was eyeing the bin of water uneasily, wishing I had taken up Suling's offer to be the experimental subject instead. Sidney grinned evilly as he ducked another bucket of icy cold water in. " It's cold... " he reminded me. I shrugged nonchantly, trying not to think about the next 40 minutes. Sidney motioned the others in the group to hook me up to the equipment. At the end of it, I looked like an experiment gone wrong.
Suling passed me a heart rate measurement tape to strap around my chest. I stared at the band in my hand. What was I supposed to do? Bare my ample, sagging, adipose ridden abdomen to the whole class? Sidney, David and Joseph just looked at my expectantly, all holding their respective equipment and awaiting their turns to torture me. I resigned to my fate, lifted up my shirt and, with Suling's help, fastened the stubborn tape just beneath my breast. Such is the predicament of the medical students. BUt the guys were cool about it. Sensing my discomfort, they looked away and engaged the teacher in some last minute quesitoning.
I had a thermometer stuck down my ear , which was held in place by a massive wad of masking tape. Sophie, the teacher, stuck it too far down and I felt a searing pain my ear. Yelping, I tried to remove it but ended up shoving it further down. Joseph jammed the respiratometer mouth piece into my mouth and Sidney started to take my blood pressue. In the flurry of arms and tangle of equipment, SUling was trying to take my skin resistance and my temperature. " Anyone got a camera?" Sidney asked cheekily. Silenced by the mouthpiece, I retorted by kicking him. THe others were more helpful. Joseph helped to steady the deadweighted mouthpiece and choosed to ignore the shower of spittle that issued after it was removed. Suling kept talking to me and checking my core temperature to make sure I didn't make it into iceland totally.
Then, the time came. I stuck my legs in the water while Suling and Sidney busied themselves by dumping ice in it to lower the temperature. Joseph brought in the fan, which messed up my hair even more than the masking tape that was plastered across my face and ear. THe water was freezing. The cold feeling in my legs eased into a numbing pain and finally, utter but blissful numbness. Sidney amused himself by throwing ice into the pail and watching my stricken face everytime he added another icecube to the pail. He tried putting one on my head but I threatened to make him look like a fish out of water by dumping the ice bucket on him and he relented. Suling was more sympathetic and probably feeling a little guilty that I had saved her from this awful fate. She helped by trying to melt the ice in the bin and kept me going with her encouragements. Every now and then, they would subject me to a series of test. I focused on the scene outside and meditated, regulating my breathing and playing a line from the sutra in my mind. When the equipment was removed, I passed the time joking and talking to them while trying to ignore the cold wind blasting on my back and my numb limbs. Everytime Joseph yanked out the mouthpiece, a huge blog of saliva would appear and dribble down my tshirt. Great. Sidney assured me laughingly that it was normal. I could only glare at him while struggling to find a piece of tissue to wipe it off.
After 40 agonising minutes, I was finally released from my position on the throne and allowed to plunge my feet into warm water.. " It's So PAINFUL!!!" I yelled, as my legs burned with the change in temperature. " Be brave," Sidney muttered distractedly as he found the instrument to test my reflexes. He couldn't locate the exact spot and entertained himself by hitting my knee consecutively until Suling pitied me and took over.
When I was finally allowed to dry off, I could barely stagger to my bag. Sidney, sensing that I might exact revenge, quickly made busied himself with the bin, readying it into defence position. But he didn't have to worry. I had barely enough coordination to make it to my seat. Satisfied that he was safe, he chuckled . " Good job, I'm proud of you." SUling smiled at me, relieved that I wasn't dead. I was actually elated that I had endured the experiment with nary a complaint to my friends and hardly a shiver.
Later I read in my horoscope: You will take a form of suffering in place of another and the group will run more smoothly that way. Weird. Really Weird.
" What do you get when a colonoscope and gastroscope meet each other?"
" A collidoscope! ( kaleidoscope)"
Norm's take on gastro examinations
" You don't have to do anything. Just sit there." Such were the words of the teacher which sealed my decision to be the lab subject. Just sit there and act like queen of the lab :). SOunds good. Alright, that wasn't the real reason. I was more curious to find out how much I could endure. Plus, the other subject to be was my friend and I didn't feel like making her do something I wouldn't do myself. Weird??? Fine, take it that I'm too naive.
And I was fast regretting the decision. A few minutes later, I was eyeing the bin of water uneasily, wishing I had taken up Suling's offer to be the experimental subject instead. Sidney grinned evilly as he ducked another bucket of icy cold water in. " It's cold... " he reminded me. I shrugged nonchantly, trying not to think about the next 40 minutes. Sidney motioned the others in the group to hook me up to the equipment. At the end of it, I looked like an experiment gone wrong.
Suling passed me a heart rate measurement tape to strap around my chest. I stared at the band in my hand. What was I supposed to do? Bare my ample, sagging, adipose ridden abdomen to the whole class? Sidney, David and Joseph just looked at my expectantly, all holding their respective equipment and awaiting their turns to torture me. I resigned to my fate, lifted up my shirt and, with Suling's help, fastened the stubborn tape just beneath my breast. Such is the predicament of the medical students. BUt the guys were cool about it. Sensing my discomfort, they looked away and engaged the teacher in some last minute quesitoning.
I had a thermometer stuck down my ear , which was held in place by a massive wad of masking tape. Sophie, the teacher, stuck it too far down and I felt a searing pain my ear. Yelping, I tried to remove it but ended up shoving it further down. Joseph jammed the respiratometer mouth piece into my mouth and Sidney started to take my blood pressue. In the flurry of arms and tangle of equipment, SUling was trying to take my skin resistance and my temperature. " Anyone got a camera?" Sidney asked cheekily. Silenced by the mouthpiece, I retorted by kicking him. THe others were more helpful. Joseph helped to steady the deadweighted mouthpiece and choosed to ignore the shower of spittle that issued after it was removed. Suling kept talking to me and checking my core temperature to make sure I didn't make it into iceland totally.
Then, the time came. I stuck my legs in the water while Suling and Sidney busied themselves by dumping ice in it to lower the temperature. Joseph brought in the fan, which messed up my hair even more than the masking tape that was plastered across my face and ear. THe water was freezing. The cold feeling in my legs eased into a numbing pain and finally, utter but blissful numbness. Sidney amused himself by throwing ice into the pail and watching my stricken face everytime he added another icecube to the pail. He tried putting one on my head but I threatened to make him look like a fish out of water by dumping the ice bucket on him and he relented. Suling was more sympathetic and probably feeling a little guilty that I had saved her from this awful fate. She helped by trying to melt the ice in the bin and kept me going with her encouragements. Every now and then, they would subject me to a series of test. I focused on the scene outside and meditated, regulating my breathing and playing a line from the sutra in my mind. When the equipment was removed, I passed the time joking and talking to them while trying to ignore the cold wind blasting on my back and my numb limbs. Everytime Joseph yanked out the mouthpiece, a huge blog of saliva would appear and dribble down my tshirt. Great. Sidney assured me laughingly that it was normal. I could only glare at him while struggling to find a piece of tissue to wipe it off.
After 40 agonising minutes, I was finally released from my position on the throne and allowed to plunge my feet into warm water.. " It's So PAINFUL!!!" I yelled, as my legs burned with the change in temperature. " Be brave," Sidney muttered distractedly as he found the instrument to test my reflexes. He couldn't locate the exact spot and entertained himself by hitting my knee consecutively until Suling pitied me and took over.
When I was finally allowed to dry off, I could barely stagger to my bag. Sidney, sensing that I might exact revenge, quickly made busied himself with the bin, readying it into defence position. But he didn't have to worry. I had barely enough coordination to make it to my seat. Satisfied that he was safe, he chuckled . " Good job, I'm proud of you." SUling smiled at me, relieved that I wasn't dead. I was actually elated that I had endured the experiment with nary a complaint to my friends and hardly a shiver.
Later I read in my horoscope: You will take a form of suffering in place of another and the group will run more smoothly that way. Weird. Really Weird.
" What do you get when a colonoscope and gastroscope meet each other?"
" A collidoscope! ( kaleidoscope)"
Norm's take on gastro examinations
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
Your wealth is not measured by how much you own, but how little you need.
I attended a dharma lecture by Dr. Eric Chan at the temple tonight. And I was really glad that I went. Dr. Chan was fantastic. Always sensitive to the mood of the audience, he engaged us with his over the top humour, flamboyance, quirky cartoon illustrations and unexpected bursts into songs. He threw in an element of fun into everything, even making the dharma seem usually modern. I've never seen buddhism presented in this context before and it was really endearing to me. His talk covered events and transition points pertinent to the lives of youths and I found it extremely useful and appealing.
Of love and laughter.
He spoke of how two people who fell in love were like the tips of icebergs in the ocean. They are attracted to what they see, but what they find out later is the bulk of what is immersed under the water. And then there are two paths that we can go from there. Either we lose our identity by trying to become the person that our significant other perceives as perfect, or we end up quarreling.
Of choices and Decisions
It's ok to be indecisive! At least I know that I"ve made the choice not to make a choice at that point of time and that's completely acceptable. We need to assess teh consequences of our decisions and then love to learn the consequences after we have made the decision.
Of negative feelings
When people do things that make us angry, it's because we have allowed them to judge us or expect them to do us a favour. And when they fail to perform up to our expectations, conflicts arise. Also relevant, is our anger towards towards world events, towards people who are causing suffering for others. We should not feel angry, but sad. Sad in knowing that the buddha spirit in each of them is grieving for their ignorant actions. THey will find enlightenment one day, but right now the bad karma generated will only serve to harm. We should grieve for them and try to be compassionate instead of raging at them. Why rage when it doesn't change anything? You must take actions to help, but anger will only serve as a hinderance in your mission.
There was a lot more issues discussed and I found myself accepting more and more of the dharma. Though I still have hesitations in embracing the mythical part, I am totally agreeable to the way of living suggested by the great Buddha.
Na Mo Shi Jia Mo Ni Fo
I attended a dharma lecture by Dr. Eric Chan at the temple tonight. And I was really glad that I went. Dr. Chan was fantastic. Always sensitive to the mood of the audience, he engaged us with his over the top humour, flamboyance, quirky cartoon illustrations and unexpected bursts into songs. He threw in an element of fun into everything, even making the dharma seem usually modern. I've never seen buddhism presented in this context before and it was really endearing to me. His talk covered events and transition points pertinent to the lives of youths and I found it extremely useful and appealing.
Of love and laughter.
He spoke of how two people who fell in love were like the tips of icebergs in the ocean. They are attracted to what they see, but what they find out later is the bulk of what is immersed under the water. And then there are two paths that we can go from there. Either we lose our identity by trying to become the person that our significant other perceives as perfect, or we end up quarreling.
Of choices and Decisions
It's ok to be indecisive! At least I know that I"ve made the choice not to make a choice at that point of time and that's completely acceptable. We need to assess teh consequences of our decisions and then love to learn the consequences after we have made the decision.
Of negative feelings
When people do things that make us angry, it's because we have allowed them to judge us or expect them to do us a favour. And when they fail to perform up to our expectations, conflicts arise. Also relevant, is our anger towards towards world events, towards people who are causing suffering for others. We should not feel angry, but sad. Sad in knowing that the buddha spirit in each of them is grieving for their ignorant actions. THey will find enlightenment one day, but right now the bad karma generated will only serve to harm. We should grieve for them and try to be compassionate instead of raging at them. Why rage when it doesn't change anything? You must take actions to help, but anger will only serve as a hinderance in your mission.
There was a lot more issues discussed and I found myself accepting more and more of the dharma. Though I still have hesitations in embracing the mythical part, I am totally agreeable to the way of living suggested by the great Buddha.
Na Mo Shi Jia Mo Ni Fo
Licence to Roll.
My name is Kill... Road Kill. I
18 years of being stuck at the back seat of the car watching people drive me around, a few weeks of watching my friends vrooming around in their own set of wheels and I was ready to rumble. That's right. I'm taking to the roads!
Steve, my driving instructor, was a mild mannered old chap who explained everything in a slow, clear way that made up for his heavy accent. " Watch and learn," he told me in his unhurried way. He then proceeded to pelt me with a myriad of confusing instructions. All I managed to figure out at the end of it was that I needed to rent an octupus. " See... so easy," he pulled the car to a stop and beamed at me. Easy? I think I need the coordination of a gymnast on a balance beam to handle this.
The wheels in my head were whirling as fast as the gears of the car while I tried to remember the intricate sequence of "to-dos". THe only difference was that my neurons were near the point of overheating. He spent an hour going through everything from mirror adjustment to the dashboard. It was agonising. I had a lecture later on and I wasn't about to leave the lesson without having a taste of moving on the roads.
Finally, Steve taught me the gear shifts and gave the words I'd been waiting for all day. " You may go." Suddenly, I felt utterly helpless. As I stepped on the accelerator, the engine give an annoyed purr and I shifted my foot in a hurry. " Too much," he said. " You got to be gentle..." I managed to find that elusive point and bingo~ I was moving.. right into the car in front. Steve seized the wheel and saved the car from looking like a wax model on acid.
It was so hard finding the balance not crawling forward and not totalling the car parked ahead. I ended up choosing to do the former. I eased the car down the quiet residential area, praying i wouldn't mow anyone over or drive it through someone's back yard. My line of passage took the appearance of a drunken driver at work. Basically, I couldn't drive in a straight line.
After struggling with the pedals and the wheel, I finally managed to find a comfortable paze to cruise at. " I'm not controlling the pedals," Steve told me. " Good! Keep going!" Feeling more confident, I threw the car into gear two and approached the intersection where I merrily stalled in the middle of the road.
My next lesson is on THursday, and I suggest you keep of the road then.
My name is Kill... Road Kill. I
18 years of being stuck at the back seat of the car watching people drive me around, a few weeks of watching my friends vrooming around in their own set of wheels and I was ready to rumble. That's right. I'm taking to the roads!
Steve, my driving instructor, was a mild mannered old chap who explained everything in a slow, clear way that made up for his heavy accent. " Watch and learn," he told me in his unhurried way. He then proceeded to pelt me with a myriad of confusing instructions. All I managed to figure out at the end of it was that I needed to rent an octupus. " See... so easy," he pulled the car to a stop and beamed at me. Easy? I think I need the coordination of a gymnast on a balance beam to handle this.
The wheels in my head were whirling as fast as the gears of the car while I tried to remember the intricate sequence of "to-dos". THe only difference was that my neurons were near the point of overheating. He spent an hour going through everything from mirror adjustment to the dashboard. It was agonising. I had a lecture later on and I wasn't about to leave the lesson without having a taste of moving on the roads.
Finally, Steve taught me the gear shifts and gave the words I'd been waiting for all day. " You may go." Suddenly, I felt utterly helpless. As I stepped on the accelerator, the engine give an annoyed purr and I shifted my foot in a hurry. " Too much," he said. " You got to be gentle..." I managed to find that elusive point and bingo~ I was moving.. right into the car in front. Steve seized the wheel and saved the car from looking like a wax model on acid.
It was so hard finding the balance not crawling forward and not totalling the car parked ahead. I ended up choosing to do the former. I eased the car down the quiet residential area, praying i wouldn't mow anyone over or drive it through someone's back yard. My line of passage took the appearance of a drunken driver at work. Basically, I couldn't drive in a straight line.
After struggling with the pedals and the wheel, I finally managed to find a comfortable paze to cruise at. " I'm not controlling the pedals," Steve told me. " Good! Keep going!" Feeling more confident, I threw the car into gear two and approached the intersection where I merrily stalled in the middle of the road.
My next lesson is on THursday, and I suggest you keep of the road then.
Zombiefied.
Yes. THat's how I would describe my self. I stumbled unseeing into the lecture theatre, probably unintentionally ignoring half of the people I knew on the way there. In the afternoon, after much deliberation about my mental state, I dragged myself to the sports center for my first hip hop class. Ah. the world of hiphop, of the cool bods and the sexy, groovy moves. I've been wanting to do this all my life and never had the chance to learn. I 'm a closet hip hop dancer. I prefer dancing at home so as to spare everyone else the eyesore, but I never got to learn actual, proffesionally choreographed moves.
Our instructor was bubbly and absolutely bursting with energy, punctuating her groovy moves cheers and all. I had a little troubling following and there was no mirror around, so i had no idea if I looked like a Mtv dancer or a whale bouncing around. But nevertheless, it was a real cool class. I hurried to meet HH for dinner and then watched a movie at the union theatre.. CATCH me if you can.. Yez, i finally caught it.
And the rest of my day? Where else... the Library of course!
Yes. THat's how I would describe my self. I stumbled unseeing into the lecture theatre, probably unintentionally ignoring half of the people I knew on the way there. In the afternoon, after much deliberation about my mental state, I dragged myself to the sports center for my first hip hop class. Ah. the world of hiphop, of the cool bods and the sexy, groovy moves. I've been wanting to do this all my life and never had the chance to learn. I 'm a closet hip hop dancer. I prefer dancing at home so as to spare everyone else the eyesore, but I never got to learn actual, proffesionally choreographed moves.
Our instructor was bubbly and absolutely bursting with energy, punctuating her groovy moves cheers and all. I had a little troubling following and there was no mirror around, so i had no idea if I looked like a Mtv dancer or a whale bouncing around. But nevertheless, it was a real cool class. I hurried to meet HH for dinner and then watched a movie at the union theatre.. CATCH me if you can.. Yez, i finally caught it.
And the rest of my day? Where else... the Library of course!
